One Is Just A Number

When I read today's Free Write prompt, this song by Colbie Caillat popped into my head immediately. I love the message of this song. Here is a portion of the lyrics: Wait a second, Why should you care, what they think of you When you're all alone, by yourself Do you like you? Do you like you? You don't have to try so hard You don't have to give it all away You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up You don't have to change a single thing Who isn't a little too hard on themselves? We need to stop trying to be like anyone else and just be ourselves. We are all fearfully and wonderfully made. We need to try to remember that. 

Oh how I struggle with worth. I've never had a lot of self-confidence or self-esteem, but after my divorce, they really took a hit. Having someone leave you tends to do that. For awhile they were on the uptick, as I was losing weight a few years ago. They were probably at an all-time high when I reached my weight loss goal of 50 pounds. I felt comfortable with my body for the first time in a really long time. But then the weight came back, and I have felt myself withdraw again. I don't seek out seeing old acquaintances, I skipped attending a funeral because what can I say about myself. I'm single, I have no kids, I have no worth. I know that's not true. I can't tell you exactly where my worth comes from but I know I have it. I know I have worth as a daughter and a sister. I know I have worth in how I serve my church (even if I did mess up a couple of times this morning while serving as liturgist). However, I don't see worth when I look in the mirror. All...

As I type this, the downtown streets of my city are filled with more than 9,800 people participating in the 35th Annual Tulsa Run. The race has 2k, 5k, and 15k routes. Since achieving my weight loss goal, I've been considering another goal, running a 5k. I love the way people talk about running and the feeling they experience after a run. I often feel the urge to feel the wind on my face as I find my stride and work towards that "runner's high." Periodically, I'll check the Sunday ads for sales on running shoes and treadmills. I've thought about when I could fit running into my schedule, since I already exercise three days a week with my sister. I've read a book written by a new runner. (Run With Me: An Accidental Runner and the Power of Poo by Jennifer Luitwieler). I've done everything but lace up a pair of sneakers and hit the pavement. This is not unusual for me but if I wait 10 years to run that 5k like I did to lose weight, I'll b...

George Clooney has spent some time in my home state producing a movie starring Meryl Streep and Julia Roberts. The area has been abuzz with sightings of him. TV and radio stations have links on their websites for fan photos with him. Today I read on Twitter that he was 10 blocks from where I work. Someone posted a photo as proof. I was absolutely giddy. I couldn't believe he was so close, that he was standing in a spot where I had stood. I posted on Facebook that I was certain that if he met me, he'd dump his current girlfriend and we'd live happily ever after. The funny thing is, I meant it. When I hit enter, I believed with all my heart that someone famous could fall for a simple girl like me. Yes I know it's a pipe dream but in that instance, I felt more hope than I have in months, probably years. Hope that my heart was healing, hope that I might find love again, hope that I was starting to believe in myself again. It was an awesome feeling!

Several years ago, someone ran an ad campaign with the catch phrase, Reinvent Yourself. I cut out every one of those that I could find in magazines and displayed them prominently in my house. I was inspired by the phrase. I was going to change myself. I was going to fix everything that was wrong and be a different person. I've been thinking about that lately and wondering what I thought was wrong with me. What needed to be fixed? I have faults like everyone else but fundamentally, I'm a good person. It's time to like myself and admire the qualities that make me who I am. I'm the institutional memory for my friends. I still send cards in the mail. I will take care of your pet when you go out of town even if the thought of that responsibility scares me to death. There are things I need to work on (my laziness, my inability to take criticism) but at the core of me is a good, decent human being who loves her family and friends. I think those are qualities to em...

When I walked into my friend's salon, I had no plans to make a change, I was going to just have her cover the gray. But as I looked through the swatches of hair color, I decided to take a risk and make a HUGE change. I went from brownish blonde to RED and I love it! When I got home, I grabbed my camera to take photos for Facebook and I was shocked by what I saw in my self-portraits. I was smiling. I looked happy. I feel like a new woman and my old self all that the same time. And for the first time in a long time, I like what I see in those photos. Who knew a turning point could come from a tube of hair color?