One Is Just A Number

For 46 years for me and 95 years for her, February 22 was just my Grandma's birthday. Yes, she shared it with George Washington, but the significance ended there. It was just Grandma's birthday. Then 11 years ago today, it became the day that X told me he wanted a divorce. It went from Grandma's birthday to one of the worst days of my life, forever marked as a terrible day to be mourned every year. But what if I turned it into just another day. I will always remember it as my Grandma's birthday, turning to fond memories of her and wishing I could still have celebrated with her these past 22 years since she's been gone, but what if it was again, just that - Grandma's birthday. Is it healthy to mark it has one of my worst days? What if it was just the thing I needed? I'm not saying that the heartbreak was a good thing but there are plenty of sayings that indicate that it is in the breaking that we are healed. What if it was the day that I was...

I thought it was pretty ironic that this week's word was better when that was a word I thought might be my word of the year and that I wanted it to be applied to being better about blogging then I don't post in Five Minute Friday until Saturday. It was just like every other aim I had for 2019 that here on January 12 I have let go by the wayside. When you can't remember how to log into your blog and almost have to ask Google to help, you know it has been a long time since you have blogged. But then I decided to let myself off the hook because yesterday was a busy, productive day for me. I worked at my second job all morning, then went to a meeting at my second job. I had to run to the grocery store to get the seventh layer of my seven-layer dip, cheese, because I forgot to get it when I purchased the other ingredients, then go home and make that dip. Finally I delivered my dip to the fun retirement party I went to last night where the above cake was a prominent feature...

This 31 Days has come to a close. I haven't always written every day but I have written 31 posts. That is pretty close to perfect to me. As this year's exercise ends, I'm grateful for it for igniting my passion for writing. Even though I have sometimes dreaded it, often I would find myself writing more than one post at a time. It was hard to stop once I got started. I'm hoping that my emphasis on writing positive posts has turned into a new way of looking at things in my life. Taking 5 minutes of my day to search for the good suggested by a single word has forced me to put the negative thoughts that flood my mind during the day to the side and focus on the bright spots in my life. So as we close the books on another 31 Days, I hope I am 31 posts closer to being a better writer and closer to finding what God wants me to do with this blog.

I think all of us want to find our voice and to have that voice be heard. Whether it's a singing voice, a voice to stand up for yourself, or a voice to help others, our voice is important. Especially in this election season, we need to have our voice heard by voting. Lifting your voice in praise is like this glass on the ceiling of a building downtown, it fills the air with beauty. Using your voice to help others is also a beautiful thing. I hope that these 31 days have helped me find my voice and get me back on track with this blog. I want my posts to bring beauty to people's lives and help them find their voice too. Hopefully my words can be as beautiful as this glass and like this exhibit, draw people's eyes to above, to the one who gaves us our voice.

When my cousin visited from Texas this summer, we both bought this sign. I love that together we share a desire to write. And I love the feeling that we are both looking at this sign and together we are writing, even if we are separated by more than 450 miles. Together with our siblings we share family history, memories of cherished relatives, and annoyance by bad grammar and typos. We have found ourselves together more over the past few years, both in sadness and in joy. Together the sorrow was eased and the happiness intensified. I hope that we have many more times together ahead of us. We have dreams of the four of us traveling together or even simply spending time on a beach, just being together. Even though we all are separated by 7 hours of highway driving, we fell like we are going through things together and that's the best way to be, together.

This song, Reckless Love , has been an inspiration to me since I heard it at a concert last February. I have belted it out in my car, sung it to myself as I puttered around my house, even sung a duet with my sister as we ran errands. The lyrics remind me of how God's reckless love has saved me. How no matter what I've done, God has fought for me. And how no matter what I do, He will leave the 99 and search for me. It will be my favorite all my days. Reckless Love Cory Asbury Before I spoke a word, You were singing over me You have been so, so good to me Before I took a breath, You breathed Your life in me You have been so, so kind to me Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God Oh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the ninety-nine I couldn't earn it, and I don't deserve it, still, You give Yourself away Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God, yeah When I was Your f...

Because I am divorced, it is so easy to think of myself has half of something that doesn't exist anymore. No longer a part of a whole, I am somehow less than I was when I was married. But this is not true. I am whole, thanks to my God. Just like this art installation in Philadelphia, He has taken my broken pieces and made something beautiful. My life is whole with a wonderful family, kind friends, and work I enjoy. My spare time is whole with tickets to the ballet and Broadway shows, a monthly book club, and dinners out with my sister. And most importantly, my spirit life is whole, thanks to a return to church, something that probably wouldn't have happened if I was still married. I am whole. God has taken the jagged edges of a life that broke into pieces and has put them back together, stronger than they were before and in so many ways, so much better. The whole may not look like what I had planned but it is still something beautiful.

This was the view at the end of my driveway this morning as I headed out to work. The moon, still up and bright at 8am. I took a moment to soak it in, to take a photo so I could take another moment later on to remember the majesty of that moon in the sky. I will admit, I was grumpy this morning. I hadn't slept well and it had been a long week. I am so glad that I took a moment to look up and see this sight. It put a smile on my face and in that moment, I realized what a truly amazing God we have that He put something so incredible in the sky. Life is made of little moments like this, taking a breath and appreciating what is around us. We spend so much of our time in front of screens -computers, cell phones, and televisions - that we think we don't have a spare moment to relax. But I want to be sure and lift my eyes and take in these moments when I can be reminded of the wonder in this world and just who is responsible for it. It only took that moment to change my mood,...

When I was in Niagara Falls last month, I was fascinated by the power of that wonder. I wanted to capture the sound of the water as it rushed down. I wanted to capture the feeling of awe that I felt as I stood there by this awesome God-made marvel of nature. I always struggle with capturing moments. I am tempted to take as many photos as I can, so that when I get home I can remember it all. I love having the photos, they take me back to the wonderful sites I've seen. But I also find that looking at places simply through a lens or screen, I miss the things around it that make that place special. You can't capture a smell or an electricity in the air of a place by taking photos or videos. You need to stand still and take it all in to capture the essence of a place. I am still glad that I have this short video of Niagara Falls. It does capture some of the amazement I felt that night. But I will always treasure the memories that I captured in my mind of that special moment w...

Ok, they are technically briefs but Spongebob makes me laugh. Some of my posts this October have seemed brief and they aren't always done every day but I am really enjoying getting back into writing. Even a brief five minutes can help you find your passion again. And I hope reading these brief posts lead people to finding their passion.

This actor was the first thing that popped into my head when I read the word for the 23, Common . I first saw him in Hell on Wheels , a show about the building of the railroad across the United States. It was an interesting historical account of construction of the rail system and it also told the story of a soldier's life after the Civil War. My friend got to meet Common when he visited my city and I was so jealous when I saw her photo of him on Facebook. I love TV and movies. As I say in my profile, Netflix is one of my favorite inventions of this century. Hulu is a close second. My DVR is usually around 90% full and I'm desperate to get it cleared before the Hallmark Christmas movies start airing this weekend. TV and movies are something my sister and I have in common. Talking about the week's episodes is what keeps us occupied as we round the track at the gym. I find that an obsession with Hallmark movies is a great conversation starter and finding out that we...

This photo of a flower bed in my backyard was taken a couple of years ago but it still looks like this. Unfortunately after my dad helped me get it to looking like this a wet spring and summer has it looking like the top of the photo. I'm trying to convince myself that my front yard looks like a tallgrass prairie, I'm sure my neighbors think it is more like a tick magnet because the guy who was mowing my lawn hurt his back and is done for the season. I really wish I had help with yard work. But then again, I get all independent and think I can do this. I even went so far as to buy a push reel mower like this off of Amazon one summer. I used it once. But I'm staying positive that I can do this on my own. It will be good exercise, right? I'll keep you posted.

It is the first day of a new week, a day and time we set aside to bring our hearts before God in worship and praise. It is a new day. It is time to stand up and be the church. This is how every Sunday worship service starts at my church. I love the thought that Sunday is a new start. We also say a prayer of confession each Sunday. That gives me the feeling that I am starting with a new, clean slate as I go into the new week. I've heard that we shouldn't wait to start something until every duck is in its row, until you have this, or you have that. Just start. My one word for the year has been progress. I try to do at least one thing each day that gives me the feeling of progress, even if it's something as simple as putting my shoes away or getting the paper read. I was so bad about waiting for a special day on the calendar to start a goal but I have found that starting anything, even something as small as folding laundry, gives me the energy to start the big things. ...

One of the first things I thought about when starting my blog was who did I want my audience to be. When I chose the name "One Is Just A Number," I wanted the title to let people know that they were more than whether they were part of a couple. I wanted to help people going through a painful divorce like I was. It is hard to stay positive though when you focus on the pain. It felt like I would be stuck in that moment of recovery if I stayed with that emphasis. So I thought about moving towards the subheading, "Finding The Life Waiting For You."  I think concentrating on making your life what you want it to be is more positive. So my audience is anyone who wants to take a different view of their life, to see the positive, even if that life isn't what you thought it would be. I hope that my audience realizes that one is just a number and it doesn't define or limit what your life can be, that there is a positive in any circumstance.

When I think about the question "who am I," I tend to list the things I want to be. I want to be brave, like I was this day on this surprise gondola ride in Venice. I want to be adventurous and take a vacation on my own. I want to be...the list goes on. But all I really need to know is whose I am. I am a child of the most high God. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. All of that is enough of a who. Because when it comes down to it, I am brave. I pushed away the worry of dropping every thing of value into a canal in Venice and got in that gondola. I was adventurous and as soon as I made it to Niagara Falls last month, I made my way to the dock for the Maid of the Mist and felt the spray of the falls on my face from the deck of a boat. All of those things I list when I think of who I want to be are within reach because of whose I am.

Sometimes this staying positive things is harder than at other times. Since changing jobs 11 years ago, I have kept on working at my previous job for about 20 hours a week. It is a job I can do at home, making my own schedule, and it gives me extra money for trips and unexpected expenses. Several months ago, the university that I work for announced that it was going to try and sell the service that my part-time employer offers. I was put into an instant panic about how I would cover my bills. And my heart hurt for those who could be losing the only job they have. I fretted over it for days, losing sleep and finding myself distracted from my full-time job. Then one day I was walking to my car on my way home for lunch, still worrying about how I would make ends meet and God spoke to me. "You will have more time to write." Suddenly I saw the situation in a different light. What might look like a negative could be a positive. What might leave my checkbook with fewer doll...

About a month before my sister and I went to Europe five years ago, X texted me to tell me that he'd gotten engage. The man who left because he was just too independent to be married, was getting married. That knowledge weighed heavy on me in the time leading up to this vacation we'd been planning for months. It was the trip of a lifetime - London, Paris, Florence, Venice, and Rome - so many places that I'd dreamed of seeing. But my thoughts were going to X and the hurt is engagement had stirred up in me. On my second full day in London, my sister and I were walking across a bridge to ride the London Eye and I paused for a moment and thought to myself, "I am in London!" I looked in another direction and say this. I decided to shake off the rejection and hurt and embrace this wonderful chance to see all of the sites I could and to make this trip everything I dreamed it would be. It was in that simple action of pausing and looking at the positive in the...

I don't think I look quite as pious or hopeful as the woman in the lower right of this painting from a church in Rome but I have prayed with this fervor. I pray for big things like the health of someone I know and I pray for things like a working heater. I find that praying for things as they happen is a great way to stay positive. When you constantly think about what God is doing in your life, it's hard to be negative. It is also a great way to turn things around and think about others. A frustration in traffic turns into an opportunity to pray for the person's safety who just cut you off. If someone is frustrating you at work, pray for what may be going on their life that is making them be difficult. I do my best to start my day praying. It is a way to push reset in the busy activities of getting ready for work and get my mind right for the day ahead. Whether it's praying for small things or big things, for me or for others, turning things over to God in pr...

This is St. Mark's Clock Tower in Venice. Not only does this clock tell the time but it also keeps track of the moon phases, and the zodiac sign at the moment. I have written about this clock before because to me it symbolizes my walk with God. When is one of my favorite questions for Him. After praying, I always expect to be able to use a clock as I wait for my answer or to receive what I have asked for. But that isn't always how God works. Sometimes the when can be better measured by a calendar. Lots of calendars. It is in that waiting for when that we can find God's grace and mercy. It is in the waiting for the when that we learn that when God doesn't give us what we want, He may be giving us what we need. And it is in those moments when we are waiting that we realize that we are safe and sound in the palm of His hand. I'm not always good at this. I find myself counting the chimes as I say when instead of counting the blessings in the waiting. There is...

My church is conducting its annual stewardship drive. Every Sunday someone gives a testimony about his/her decision to give to the church and why tithing is important. Then the pastor encourages us to think about the ways we can help the church and the Church with our monetary and volunteer support. When I worked at a university, I learned that this is called "the ask." It is the moment that after telling someone how great your organization is, you ask for a person's help to continue the greatness. God asking us for 10% is nothing compared to what he gives us. I can't tell you the number of times I have wondered how I was going to make ends meet. Eleven years ago when X told me he wasn't sure he would ever move back in, one of my first thoughts was how will I support myself. I didn't have to worry about that for too long because God sent me a job that paid twice as much as I was making and let me keep my old job part-time for additional income. My chu...