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Five Minute Friday: Quiet

Quiet - it scares me. The minute I step into my house, I turn the TV on so that there is noise that fills the rooms, voices that make me feel like I'm not alone.

As I sit here typing this in the quiet, I hear the clocks ticking and the noise outside and it's true, I do feel alone.

But am I really alone. I have family that loves me, I have friends, I have coworkers. I just don't have the one who left 5 years ago.

I want to grab the remote, to turn the TV to the music channel so that the music drowns out the voices in my head. The voices that tell me I'm not good enough, that I deserved to be left. That I deserve to be alone.

But what if the noise is keeping me from hearing Him. Hearing the one that always tells me you are enough, you are my child, you are wonderfully made and I love you. I've always loved you. You are not alone, I am here with you.

Am I afraid of that voice? Am I afraid that if I listen he'll tell me things I don't want to hear. Like keep that job that makes you unhappy because I have plans to take you places you've never dreamed of. Places that you need the teachings of that job to get you to. I'll hear trust me even though it's terrifying. I want to know the plan RIGHT NOW! Not in His timing but mine.

In the quiet, I start to believe in myself, which in some ways is scarier than the disbelief. It is scary to hope, to believe that I can believe in the good plan. There is no disappointment in expecting the worst.
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