I’m getting better about not getting stuck on dates. I don’t
dread approaching days for their significance like I did in the early years of
my separation and divorce. That’s why when I realized the significance of
February 13, 2013, I was surprised it hadn't dawned on me sooner and a little proud of myself that I hadn’t circled the
date in black on every calendar I owned
Twenty years ago on February 13, X asked me to marry
him. It was 8 months to the day of our
first date and he thought, “If I give her an engagement ring on the 13th,
I bet I won’t have to buy her anything for Valentine’s Day.” We had talked
about marriage but he hadn’t proposed formally. He kept telling me that he was
still saving for a ring. So when we drove to the golf course where we’d shared
our first kiss, I had no clue that once we climbed the fence, he would pull a
black velvet box out of his coat pocket and tell me he wanted to spend the rest
of his life with me.
X and I traded emails on that day, both marveling at the
fact that it had been 20 years. I was a little shocked (and kind of excited)
that he had actually thought about the significance of the day that morning
before he received my email. I thought about it, paced around a bit, gave
myself a little time to check my motives before I typed the words, “For the record,
I’d say yes again.”
And once again I surprised myself in the reason I said those
words. It wasn’t that I said them hoping that he would think the same thing and
we’d meet at the top of the tallest building in town to profess that we still
loved each other. I won’t lie, I still
hope for a different outcome for all of this. But when I typed, I’d say yes
again, I was thinking of the experiences that the two of us shared, the things I
learned from our relationship, and the places where the heartbreak of the end
of the marriage have brought me to.
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