One Is Just A Number

This was my view when I went outside to get my paper this morning. This frog is over halfway up my house, looking like he's holding on for dear life, wondering just how the heck he got himself into this mess. I never knew frogs climbed like this and maybe they don't. Maybe he was so desperate to get away from one of the stray cats that roam my neighborhood that he found himself clinging to the bricks before he knew what he was doing. Maybe he went after something to eat and was now trying to decide whether to fling himself into the nandina bush below and hope that the soggy, rain-soaked dirt would soften his fall. I couldn't help but see this as a metaphor for life. How often do we leap before we look, leaving us to wonder just how we got here and how we are going to get out of the mess we're in. We find ourselves clinging to something, hoping that when we do fall, we will land on our feet and walk away unscathed. I hope this frog is ok. He wasn...

My home state is covered with devastation. Moore is receiving much of the attention but there are towns all over Oklahoma that will forever be changed by tornadoes that ripped through the landscape of their lives. I've been amazed by the outpouring of compassion I've seen on Twitter, from religious leaders to actors, everyone seems to be touched by this natural disaster. I've purposely tried not to take in too much information on it, focusing my attention on praying for the victims. But this morning as I got ready for work, I saw an interview with a teacher who used her body to shield her students from the destruction brought by the twister. She was lying in a hospital bed, lacerations all over her body and her neck in a brace, describing what it was like as the school came down around her. She laid in the rubble, waiting for help, clutching one of her third-grade students, who was telling her he didn't want to die. He did not die but when help finally came...

This dish has become a Saturday tradition for me and it makes me happy every time I eat it, (1) because it's tasty and (2) because I invented it. I've named it Saturday Shrimp and it's the simplest thing in the world to make. The ingredients are things that you can keep in your pantry and freezer so it's an easy go-to meal and it's a one-serving dish so you aren't eating it for the whole week.  Start off by boiling some water for some pasta. I use 1 cup of bow tie pasta but any shape will work. While the pasta is cooking, drizzle some olive oil in a skillet and turn the heat on. Add some red pepper flakes and garlic to the oil and cook until fragrant. The measurements of these ingredients can be to your liking - I usually do a handful of red pepper flakes and put four garlic cloves through my garlic press. Once the garlic and pepper are fragrant, add some herbs to the mix. I use fresh rosemary and oregano because that's what I have growing in my ...

A song can transport you through time, comfort you when you're sad, and remind you of the hope of the future. I can't hear the song "Fairest Lord Jesus" without thinking of the summers I spent in Vacation Bible School. That song takes me back to my church sanctuary on bright sunny days, when it was still a little cool before the heat of the day sets in. I remember the fun of learning new things about the Bible and making a slew of crafts to show off to my parents at the end of the week. My friend's father died a couple of years ago. The funeral was held in the chapel at the funeral home. I had been in that chapel two other times in the past year for funerals of a friend's loved one. I was getting really tired of visiting that chapel and seeing another person I cared about going through the hurt of a service. This was the first funeral that had a more religious tone to it and when the music was cued for "Because He Lives", I felt odd for s...

Since lunch with X a couple of weeks ago, I've been struggling with my sense of self-worth. Hearing his explanations of why our marriage didn't work left me doubting myself and questioning the qualities in myself that I thought gave me value to others. Rolled into the lack of self-worth is an over-abundance of self-hatred over the fact that the value God sees in me, that He placed in me before I was even born, isn't enough for me. I believe with all my heart that I am wonderfully made and a child of the most high God but as a sit alone in my house, I struggle with that being enough. As I try to put the pieces of my broken heart back together, I doubt that anyone but Him will love me in the way I yearn to be loved - for me, just the way I am, quirks and all. Why isn't my faith strong enough for God's love to be enough for me? Why do I need other people's validation that I matter? I don't have any answers but in case you are struggling with the same things...

Comfort - we all want it. We seek it in familiar people and places. We seek in a favorite pair of comfy pants. We seek it in food and drink. Every Sunday I go to my parents' house. I share a meal with my family and stay for a couple of hours. There is a comfort in those hours spent in the house I grew up in with the people who have loved me since the day I was born. Those hours of comfort recharge me for the week ahead. I crave that kind of comfort in every aspect of my life. I'd like to find that comfort in my own skin - to have confidence that no matter what I say or how I look, I will be accepted by those around me. I'd also like the comfort of financial stability. I'm not too nervous about the balance in my checkbook but I do worry if I'll ever be able to retire or will I live out my golden years chained to a desk, trying to make ends meet instead of traveling to the ends of the earth like I imagine my retirement years. I'd like to find a comfor...

I am a little disappointed in myself for the lack of posts on my blog. Lately I’ve only managed my Five Minute Friday posts. The main reason for this is lately I haven’t believed that “one is just a number.” I don’t feel qualified to tell other people how to move forward with their life because I’ve been spending so much time in the past. Last Tuesday I had lunch with X. What I thought was going to be a get together centered around hearing about his new job and his recent trip to New Orleans turned into a post mortem on our marriage and details about his current life that I really didn’t want to hear. I needed to hear them but I didn’t want to. And the funny thing is, I thanked him at the end of the lunch, knowing that what he had told me was what I needed to hear to move forward. But as I’m wont to do, I focused on the downside and wallowed in the fact that I heard things that I didn’t want to hear and it evolved into a pity party that lasted for days on ...

Right now at this point in my life, it feels like the bravest thing I should be doing is trusting God's plan for me. It is so scary to hand everything over to Him and trust that it will all be alright. Or maybe what I should test my bravery on is trusting His timing.  I do trust that He has a good plan for me, I just wish He'd hurry up and reveal it to me. It's been six long years of waiting to see what good will come from my divorce. Six years of feeling broken, worthless, and unlovable. I believe with my whole heart that He will make good from what was meant to harm me, He will give me double for my trouble, but I want my beauty for ashes RIGHT NOW! I also need to find the bravery to believe the good things people tell me about me. This has been a really hard week for me and through their words and their shows of concerns, I know that people care about me but I can't find the courage to turn that into self-love. When I look in the mirror, I still see ug...