Skip to main content

Gumption


I am a little disappointed in myself for the lack of posts on my blog. Lately I’ve only managed my Five Minute Friday posts. The main reason for this is lately I haven’t believed that “one is just a number.” I don’t feel qualified to tell other people how to move forward with their life because I’ve been spending so much time in the past.

Last Tuesday I had lunch with X. What I thought was going to be a get together centered around hearing about his new job and his recent trip to New Orleans turned into a post mortem on our marriage and details about his current life that I really didn’t want to hear. I needed to hear them but I didn’t want to. And the funny thing is, I thanked him at the end of the lunch, knowing that what he had told me was what I needed to hear to move forward.

But as I’m wont to do, I focused on the downside and wallowed in the fact that I heard things that I didn’t want to hear and it evolved into a pity party that lasted for days on end until I was even getting sick of listening to myself whine.

Then I went to church on Sunday and the sermon title was Gumption. My pastor told the story of the man who laid by the pool of Bethesda for 38 years waiting for someone to help him into the healing waters. As I sat there, I imagined Jesus saying to me as he said to that man, “Do you want to get well?” I imagined him a little frustrated with me over my insistence on focusing on the lack instead of the plenty. At the end of the service, I decided to pick up my mat and walk – to walk away from the end of a marriage that, if I’m completely honest, was not good for me. To walk away from comparing my life to others and realize that I have been given far more than I deserve. To walk away from waiting on someone else to heal me and to realizing that all I have to do is believe and God will make my heart whole again.

Today is the fifth anniversary of the day X went to court and ended our marriage.  I could do what I usually do and mourn the life that I had planned for myself and waste more time living in the past. But, instead, I am going to gather up my gumption, pick up my mat, and do my best to look forward to the life that God planned for me and trust that it is going to be so much better than anything I could ever dream for myself.

One is just a number. It may take gumption to trust that but I know it will be worth it in the end.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Five Minute Friday: Should

Five Minute Friday is a writing event that has writers spending five minutes writing on the same topic and then sharing them at http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/. This week's word is Should.

I am constantly looking for signs, my own personal burning bush to show me what I should be doing and this week's prompt is my signal that I need to get back to writing my blog. That I should be writing.

I've thought a lot about this word since seeing this video of Oprah and Tony Robbins.  In it he says we should all over ourselves and that if we want to see change in our lives we should change should to must. That is when we actually do the things, when we change that one word.

I should have done laundry today.

I should have pulled weeds.

I should have posted this on Friday instead of Saturday.

I should pray more.

I should trust God.

What would happen if I changed those shoulds into action. Maybe not as strong as must, because laundry and weeds aren't life changing. But if instea…

31 Days To Change

I started this blog four years ago with the intent of helping people find their way through the same situation I was in - a divorce they weren’t expecting and did not want. After awhile, I didn’t feel like I was helping, just dragging people down with me. I took long breaks from posting then I would start back up again, only to take another long break. The whole time I felt like I was missing out on my calling, to help people with my writing.
I have struggled with just how to do that. Do I keep posting, even on the down days? Do I concentrate on making a life with the emphasis on my blog title “One Is Just A Number?” Do I switch focus and do posts about fixing up my 1930 bungalow? Do I make it a cooking for one blog?
I am going to use this 31 Day writing challenge to figure out my focus. To use the words to look at my life and the areas in my life I can change, prompted by the words suggested by Christine Hubbard. I don’t know what my focus will be exactly but I do know that as long as …

31 Days: Park for Five Minute Friday

Five Minute Friday is a writing event that has writers spending five minutes writing on the same topic and then sharing them at http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/. This week's word is Park.

This is Fort Williams Park in Cape Elizabeth, Maine. when I was in Portland for my friends' wedding, I really wanted to see the Portland Headlight but the person I was traveling with had been to Portland several times and had no desire to see it again and everyone else I knew at the wedding had left town already. So I did something out of character and called a cab, told the driver to take me to the park, and I found it myself. And I called the same driver, had him pick me up, and bought myself a nice lunch to celebrate.

That simple act of calling a cab and getting to a destination on my own was so empowering. Most of the time I would have just let the fact that no one wanting to go with me keep me from doing something. I would have just taken a safe walk in a straight line hoping to …