Five Minute Friday is a writing event that has writers spending five minutes writing on the same topic and then sharing them at http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/. This week's word is Same.
The definition of insanity is continuing to do the same thing and expecting different result.
You can never step into the same river twice.
For some reason, those two things contradict each other in my mind. You don't do anything but step into the river, you don't change anything but you are doing the same thing you did five minutes before, stepping into the river.
But maybe they are different. Maybe by giving it another try, you are expecting a different result. By giving it another try, you are breaking the cycle of hopelessness and giving hope another chance.
I haven't written on my blog since Ash Wednesday. No, I didn't give it up for Lent, I didn't even mean to not write on it. It just happened. And the more I thought about it, the more I pondered each Friday's FMF prompt, I lost my nerve to step into that river. I lost my nerve to put my words on paper because I felt like I was doing the same thing - boring the reader by wondering how I am supposed to manage this solo life. I felt like I was going insane, trying over and over again to find the words.
Maybe the purpose of this blog isn't supposed to be that I am the teacher leading people to healing. Maybe the purpose is to admit that I am the same as you - I'm trying to figure this out just like you. And maybe in our sameness, we won't feel like we are insane together. In the sameness, we will realize that we aren't going this alone.
So I'm stepping into this river of blogging again, hoping that this time, it won't be the same struggle to find my voice but that my voice has been there all along. I just have to let the words flow out of me, like the river around my ankles.