Skip to main content

Five Minute Friday: After

Oh the after - I have been kicking and screaming through my after. I know that there are positive things that have come from this after-my-divorce life but I still miss the before. I miss my old life.

I know that in the after I have amazed myself with the things I can do on my own. I can set aside money for a rainy day and still build my TOMS shoes collection. I can do things like back my car into my 45-degree-angle driveway with a hatch so full of mulch that all I saw was bags of bark in the rearview mirror and manage to not hit my house or the neighbor's fence. I was able to carry my 50-pound dog into the emergency vet's office and deal with the news that she was gone. And most importantly, my relationship with God has grown so much deeper in the after than I think it ever would have in the before.

I still struggle with accepting the after. I so often feel like if I look like I'm happy, people will think I'm awful because I'm not curled up in a ball crying myself to sleep at night over the end of my marriage. But I need to accept it - it is my reality. Does it still cut me to my core? Yes. I often feel like just when I get the pieces of my broken heart put back together, something happens that picks me up and shakes me like a snow globe, breaking my heart apart again, the shattered pieces cutting me as they rattle around inside me.

I struggle to remind myself that God has a good plan for me, to prosper me, to give me double for my trouble, to turn to good what others meant for my harm. I struggle to remind myself that even though I have a piece of paper that would to some mean I'm a failure, I am a child of the most high God who still loves me. I may not be a couple anymore but I am definitely not alone and that thought is what gets me through the toughest of days in this after.

Comments

  1. Dear Andrea
    I am so sorry you have to endure the pain and heartache of a divorce. I am just so glad that you don't have to face this alone, but that our Lord is your ever present companion.
    Praying for you
    Mia

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Five Minute Friday: Should

Five Minute Friday is a writing event that has writers spending five minutes writing on the same topic and then sharing them at http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/. This week's word is Should.

I am constantly looking for signs, my own personal burning bush to show me what I should be doing and this week's prompt is my signal that I need to get back to writing my blog. That I should be writing.

I've thought a lot about this word since seeing this video of Oprah and Tony Robbins.  In it he says we should all over ourselves and that if we want to see change in our lives we should change should to must. That is when we actually do the things, when we change that one word.

I should have done laundry today.

I should have pulled weeds.

I should have posted this on Friday instead of Saturday.

I should pray more.

I should trust God.

What would happen if I changed those shoulds into action. Maybe not as strong as must, because laundry and weeds aren't life changing. But if instea…

Write 31 Days

I have struggled with a theme for this year's 31 days. I waited for the Write 31 Days prompts, hoping I would be inspired. But when I got to some tricking questions, I abandoned that idea. Then my thought was Follow My Dreams with the things I should be doing to achieve that goal. But then I got my daily text from Shine.com that read "How often do we think 'When I get to X, then I'll feel good...pushing happy to the future'". Am I waiting until I feel like I have achieved enough steps in my journey to be happy?  I beat myself up so much for not doing what I think I should be doing, I couldn't spend 31 days doing that to myself. Then the Five Minute Writes prompts came and I thought, "Maybe I can build action points around those points to spend my October accomplishing things." But isn't that still telling myself that I'm not good enough?

So for this Write 31 Days, I'm going to do just that. Write. I'm not going to try to fit acc…

31 Days: Invite for Five Minute Friday

Is there anything better than receiving an invitation to do something fun? This is a photo from a concert that my friend invited me to attend with her. It is the band Dawes. The evening was so much fun. We grabbed dinner at a restaurant my friend had never been to and then we stood in line for the general admission show. Since we were the third and fourth people in line, we were able to get right up next to the stage. It was one of the most amazing evenings I've ever had.

It was so nice that my friend, someone I met at church, remembered that I liked this band and invited me to join her at their concert. It is hard to make new friends after a certain age and this invitation from her made me so thankful that I had someone to go out and have fun with.

I think invitations are one of the best things that being the part of a church bring to my life. On my first Sunday there, someone invited me to attend a Sunday School class. The next invitation I received was for the women's book…