Skip to main content

Five Minute Friday: After

Oh the after - I have been kicking and screaming through my after. I know that there are positive things that have come from this after-my-divorce life but I still miss the before. I miss my old life.

I know that in the after I have amazed myself with the things I can do on my own. I can set aside money for a rainy day and still build my TOMS shoes collection. I can do things like back my car into my 45-degree-angle driveway with a hatch so full of mulch that all I saw was bags of bark in the rearview mirror and manage to not hit my house or the neighbor's fence. I was able to carry my 50-pound dog into the emergency vet's office and deal with the news that she was gone. And most importantly, my relationship with God has grown so much deeper in the after than I think it ever would have in the before.

I still struggle with accepting the after. I so often feel like if I look like I'm happy, people will think I'm awful because I'm not curled up in a ball crying myself to sleep at night over the end of my marriage. But I need to accept it - it is my reality. Does it still cut me to my core? Yes. I often feel like just when I get the pieces of my broken heart put back together, something happens that picks me up and shakes me like a snow globe, breaking my heart apart again, the shattered pieces cutting me as they rattle around inside me.

I struggle to remind myself that God has a good plan for me, to prosper me, to give me double for my trouble, to turn to good what others meant for my harm. I struggle to remind myself that even though I have a piece of paper that would to some mean I'm a failure, I am a child of the most high God who still loves me. I may not be a couple anymore but I am definitely not alone and that thought is what gets me through the toughest of days in this after.

Comments

  1. Dear Andrea
    I am so sorry you have to endure the pain and heartache of a divorce. I am just so glad that you don't have to face this alone, but that our Lord is your ever present companion.
    Praying for you
    Mia

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Five Minute Friday: Should

Five Minute Friday is a writing event that has writers spending five minutes writing on the same topic and then sharing them at http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/. This week's word is Should.

I am constantly looking for signs, my own personal burning bush to show me what I should be doing and this week's prompt is my signal that I need to get back to writing my blog. That I should be writing.

I've thought a lot about this word since seeing this video of Oprah and Tony Robbins.  In it he says we should all over ourselves and that if we want to see change in our lives we should change should to must. That is when we actually do the things, when we change that one word.

I should have done laundry today.

I should have pulled weeds.

I should have posted this on Friday instead of Saturday.

I should pray more.

I should trust God.

What would happen if I changed those shoulds into action. Maybe not as strong as must, because laundry and weeds aren't life changing. But if instea…

31 Days To Change

I started this blog four years ago with the intent of helping people find their way through the same situation I was in - a divorce they weren’t expecting and did not want. After awhile, I didn’t feel like I was helping, just dragging people down with me. I took long breaks from posting then I would start back up again, only to take another long break. The whole time I felt like I was missing out on my calling, to help people with my writing.
I have struggled with just how to do that. Do I keep posting, even on the down days? Do I concentrate on making a life with the emphasis on my blog title “One Is Just A Number?” Do I switch focus and do posts about fixing up my 1930 bungalow? Do I make it a cooking for one blog?
I am going to use this 31 Day writing challenge to figure out my focus. To use the words to look at my life and the areas in my life I can change, prompted by the words suggested by Christine Hubbard. I don’t know what my focus will be exactly but I do know that as long as …

31 Days: Park for Five Minute Friday

Five Minute Friday is a writing event that has writers spending five minutes writing on the same topic and then sharing them at http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/. This week's word is Park.

This is Fort Williams Park in Cape Elizabeth, Maine. when I was in Portland for my friends' wedding, I really wanted to see the Portland Headlight but the person I was traveling with had been to Portland several times and had no desire to see it again and everyone else I knew at the wedding had left town already. So I did something out of character and called a cab, told the driver to take me to the park, and I found it myself. And I called the same driver, had him pick me up, and bought myself a nice lunch to celebrate.

That simple act of calling a cab and getting to a destination on my own was so empowering. Most of the time I would have just let the fact that no one wanting to go with me keep me from doing something. I would have just taken a safe walk in a straight line hoping to …