Five Minute Friday is a writing event that has hundreds of writers spending five minutes writing on the same topic and then sharing them at http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/. This week's word is Send
I wish I could send these voices packing. The voices that tell me I'm not enough, I'm not a writer, I'm not loveable. The voices that kept me from doing this Five Minute Friday on Friday. The ones that keep me afraid, who silence my voice and tell me there's no way I could possibly help anyone.
I wish I could send them far away - where they can't squelch my happiness. Where they couldn't creep into my thoughts just when I'm starting to feel better. The voices that tell me I will always be alone, that I will never find what I'm looking for, that I will never matter.
The voices were there even before he left. The voices that told me my life had to be a certain way or I couldn't be happy. I wish I had learned to ignore them then. To ignore them and just live my life even if it didn't look like I thought it was going to. How would things have been different, would he still be here?
I hate those voices that lie to me and tell me it was all my fault. That if I had just done x, or felt like y, or accepted z, he wouldn't have walked out the door. I hate the voice that tells me I am a loser because I was left. And I really hate that voice that tells me I am nothing because I am single.
I so struggle to ignore that voice that says I have nothing to say to anyone else. That my journey through this could never help anyone else. That voice silences me on those days when I get excited about this blog, whispering in my ear that no one will read what I write.
I wish I could send these voices packing. Send them back to where they come from. Send them to where they can't hurt me anymore. I wanted to send in the voices that believe in me, that know that it is his loss-not mine, that know that I'm wonderfully made. And I want in return to send those voices back out into the world to convince all that read my words that they are wonderfully made too.
Please Father God, send me the voice to help others.