Five Minute Friday is a writing event that has hundreds of writers spending five minutes writing on the same topic and then sharing them at http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/. This week's word is Share.
I'm going to share something with you that I have never shared before - happiness scares me. I often catch myself squelching feelings of happiness. I don't know why - it's like if I admit that I'm happy, a bully will come along and take it away.
Why is it that not liking something is easier than liking something? It's like being happy isn't cool. We get in this mode where complaining is normal instead of looking on the bright side of things.
Nine to five jobs can be a grind. But when I step back and look at my job, without thinking about having to get up early to get there, I kind of like it. I waited several years (7 to be exact) for the person I was hired to replace upon her retirement actually left and now that I am getting to do the job I was hired to do, I really like how I spend my time at my place of employment. I don't know why but I catch myself stopping that feeling of happiness, like it will be taken away if I admit that it exists.
Where this "can't be happy" trap really gets me is when I think about being single. I recently had a business lunch where, upon hearing that I wasn't married and didn't have kids, I was categorized as "footloose and fancy free, able to travel and do whatever." If I had agreed with the business associate, would I have been a terrible person? If I had said that yes, my divorce allowed me some freedoms and opportunities that I may not have realized if I was still married make me break some commandment? And if I shared that there is a part of me that sees a benefit to not being married to X, would that make me an awful person?
To share is a tricky thing. There can be relief in the revealing of one's true feelings but sharing comes with a cost, whether the bill comes from your peers or yourself, there can be a price to pay for honesty. The trick is whether you are willing to own up to your feelings or keep it safe and do what's expected. I am still trying to figure that one out.