Today would have been my 23rd wedding anniversary. It is hard to believe that it has been that long since I stood in the front of that church making vows that I thought would be forever.. I do feel a bit silly that I still mark this day, that it still has such an impact on me. When I told my friends at church today what the significance of today was they said, "Don't look back." Easier said than done.
This post-it is one that I have on my dresser mirror. I'm not sure who said these words, Joyce Meyer or Joel Osteen, but they resonated with me so that I put them on a post-it shaped like an arrow to remind myself to look up, that God had rejected my marriage and that I should let it go. So far, I haven't done such a great job of that. Maybe I need a bigger post-it.
I know that may sound weird to say that God rejected my marriage but I do believe that things happen for us and not to us. I still haven't figured out why my marriage ended. I have some theories but in my loneliness, I do not like those answers. I think if X was supposed to be in my life, he wouldn't have walked away. But I just can't quit mourning the loss of that relationship.
So I will keep this post-it on my mirror and look at it each morning as I dress for work. And maybe one day it will get through my thick skull and into my brain, and my heart, that the end of my marriage happened for me, not to me. I'll keep you posted on how that goes.