That drives me crazy. I keep thinking that I'm so deficient in faith because I don't have hope but for the life of me, I can't find it. When I think of the future I see blackness, not hope. I try to think of the places I want to see, the things I want to do, but without hope, those things catch in the back of my throat, my dreams dead in their tracks. I don't believe that they will be realized.
I believe in Jeremiah 29:11, God has a good plan for me. I'm just tired of waiting for it. I believe I'm fearfully and wonderfully made. In God's eyes. But without the world seeing that, there is no hope for my future.
This drives me crazy and drives me to fear that my lack of hope is keeping me from my future. But after 8 years of waiting, my hope is running low on fuel. I will go ahead and say it, my patience with God is running thin.
Why is a four-letter word so hard to achieve? What is keeping me from embracing it? Will I ever have the faith to have hope or will this bracelet tarnish before it sinks into my heart?